About Jellybean.

We have another ultrasound scheduled for June 1st. But here is what we have been told so far.

Jellybean has Spina Bifida.  Now, before you start feeling sorry for me, please don't... I don't.   I'm doing great (now) with the news and am trying to prepare myself for what is coming.  If you would like to know how things are going... just ask!  I'll let you know if there's anything that's changed.  If you just want to give me a hug, that's fine too!  I'm pretty open about it, that's how I cope with it.

The only thing that's bugged me was when a friend started crying when I wasn't.  That upset me and made me feel like I wasn't grieving enough for the life my child might not have.  I felt like I was comforting her, it was odd and made me uncomfortable.  So, please... don't do that.  

I'm grateful that I am able to have this baby.   Many of you are aware of the struggles that I have had with my hormones and my infertility trials.  I believe that my body has been prepared for carrying her.  I believe that the experiences that I have had with my other children has prepared me for this awesome spirit.   I have always welcomed trials, I know that they make me a stronger, wiser person and a better mother.

I know that there are times coming where I will doubt and I have a great support system of friends and family that I can turn to and ask, "why me?".   I know that a positive attitude will make a difference.   I know that I already love this child and her spirit, it's something that will carry me through hard times.  I'm grateful that I constantly have the priesthood at my disposal and I won't hesitate to take advantage of this wonderful blessing.  I have great faith that the Lord will carry me when I can't find someone who can, I just need to ask!   I know that Jellybean is preparing as much as we are for her birth.  I know it will be hard.

I also believe in miracles, which is why I am praying for her health every second of everyday.  I'm grateful for everyone who has fasted and/or prayed for her health.   I'm grateful for the doctors who give me information and tell me to be patient because there are some things that no one will be able to prepare for until she's born.

I'm grateful for my kids, who when we told them that Jellybean's spine didn't form correctly, told us, "She's still our little sister and we'll love her no matter what. What can we do to help?"  They are always curious about what the Drs. say;  and we aren't afraid to tell them the truth.  We would rather that they are prepared, than to have it come as a surprise.  They still love to feel her kicking (which is a great sign) and are constantly talking to my belly.  We found out a few days ago that the kids will be able to see her after she comes out of surgery and can be there to talk to her. That has made all of us very happy!

There are some great websites about Spina Bifida, so if you'd like to visit them, feel free.  What she has is Myelomeningocele and it's a neural tube defect.  It's the most serious form of Spina Bifida.   There are some horrible websites also.  I know that WebMD is pretty good, and there's a study for in-utero surgery that gives some good information.  

We found out that this may be linked genetically to Curt and I.   We aren't sure yet, they'll test her after she's born. 

Like I said, some things may not be known until she's born, but we are preparing in whatever ways we feel inspired.

Be Still, my soul.

I'm finding my mind full of hymns this week and have a certain recurring hymn flowing through my head and thankfully has made it's way to my heart. 

I am in our ward choir.  (Not really a surprise, is it?)

Anyway, the song that we are singing for May is "Be still, my soul."
(Thanks, Sis. Roehr.)

I love this song and I am finding great joy and comfort in this song.

"Be Still, my Soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be Still, my Soul: Thy best, thy Heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be Still, my Soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be Still, my Soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be Still, my Soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be Still, my Soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

I am forever grateful for the inspired woman who wrote this song: Katharina von Schlegel.  I would love to give her a huge hug right now!!!

Jellybean...

Jellybean is a little GIRL!  

The ultrasound tech said that she wasn't able so view a few things,

so she's sending me to a Level 2 Ultrasound.

I asked if we could see what she looks like 3D, 

But we were told that she looks like a freaky skeleton.

Hayden quietly said, "Mom, Jellybean's a skeleton.  That's so cool!"

Because I have lived with a headache for the last 2 months,

my Dr is sending me to a neurologist.

If it's not a sharp pain, it's a dull throb, but it's always there.

But I'm glad that so far, she's looking pretty cute.

(We saw her profile, she's got the Mellor lips!)

Discipline or Slavery

Aaron needs to earn money for Geronimo.  

He expects me to pay for it. 

(I laughed so hard I hurt!)

He's telling me that it's my job to pay for it.

I told him that it's an extra thing that he'll have to pay for, 

even though we feel it's important that he goes.

He told me that I'm selling him into slavery.

I tell him that we are showing him that if something is worth having,

it's worth working for; have some discipline.

Here's the difference:

 Here's his side:

slav·er·y

   /ˈsleɪvəri, ˈsleɪvri/ Show Spelled[sley-vuh-ree, sleyv-ree] Show IPA

–noun

1. the condition of a slave; bondage.

2. the keeping of slaves as a practice or institution.

3. a state of subjection like that of a slave: He was kept in slavery by drugs.

4. severe toil; drudgery.

pre·slav·er·y, adjective, noun

—Synonyms
1. thralldom, enthrallment. Slavery, bondage, servitude refer to involuntary subjection to another or others. Slavery emphasizes the idea of complete ownership and control by a master: to be sold into slavery. Bondage indicates a state of subjugation or captivity often involving burdensome and degrading labor: in bondage to a cruel master (ie: MOM). Servitude is compulsory service, often such as is required by a legal penalty: penal servitude. 4. moil, labor.

Here's MY Side:

dis·ci·pline

   /ˈdɪsəplɪn/ Show Spelled [dis-uh-plin] Show IPA noun, verb,-plined, -plin·ing.

–noun

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.

2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.

3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.

5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.

6. a set or system of rules and regulations.

7. Ecclesiastical. the system of government regulating the practice of a church as distinguished from its doctrine.

8. an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.

9. a branch of instruction or learning: the disciplines of history and economics.

–verb (used with object)

10. to train by instruction and exercise; drill.

11. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.

12. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise. 

So... I'm selling him into slavery... 

anyone want to buy him?

(at least for an hour or two?)

 

AMEN to Steph...

I have a wonderful friend... her name is Stephanie. 

 She just posted on her blog page something that I really needed today.  

I needed this one post... just this one day... to make it through today.  

(Click on the above sentence to go to her post)

The last few days have been rough.  I've been feeling like I have had to take control of my own life as well as Curt's.  I'm finding a job, being a mother, housewife, secretary, COO, basically doing everything and still feel like I'm drowning.

I need to give something up... and fast.  

It's not going to be motherhood.

Thanks Steph, for the reminder.

My headache feels a little better!

Quick update...

I just thought I'd take a minute to fill everyone in (I'll post more later).

Curt's still looking for a job, getting more of an education to put on his resume, but we've had some really good job leads and some interviews.

Curt and I took the kids on a roadtrip to Disneyland where we met up with my dear brother, Dan, and his family.   I think it was the best trip to D-land that I've had in a very long time.  It's always better when you spend the day with people you love.

Baby Jelly bean is doing very well and has started wiggling around.  We had the ultrasound to determine the "flavor" and we're all pretty sure it's a girl. 

Hayden's disappointed that Jellybean isn't a boy, Aaron's thrilled either way and Alyssa is the happiest girl in the world.

Other than the usual, having Curt at home as royally screwed up my schedule and I can't wait to ship him out to get a job.  I need to get back to real life.

Mwah-hahahaaaaaa!

I love planning things involving my kids and they have no idea what is going to happen.

I love to stand behind their bedroom doors and jump out and them.  Scaring them is the BEST!!!!

I love the surprise of being a parent.  You never know what's going to happen!